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https://www.psychforums.com/blog/Just Jeff/index_start-50.html |
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| Author: | Just Jeff [ Fri Dec 30, 2016 9:25 am ] |
| Blog Subject: | Friday 30 December |
Friday 30 December 20 days sober RR 100% God, Grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change, The courage to change the things I can. And the wisdom to know the difference. Amen .... Lord, make me an instrument of thy peace! That where there is hatred, I may bring love. That where there is wrong, I may bring the spirit of forgiveness. That where there is discord, I may bring harmony. That where there is error, I may bring truth. That where there is doubt, I may bring faith. That where there is despair, I may bring hope. That where there are shadows, I may bring light. That where there is sadness, I may bring joy. Lord, grant that I may seek to comfort, rather than to be comforted. Seek to understand, rather than be understood. Seek to love, rather than to be loved. For it is by self-forgetting that one finds. It is by forgiving that one is forgiven. It is by dying that one awakens to Eternal Life. ....... Waking up this morning I felt spiritually blocked up. A lot of thoughts running through my head and feelings of fear and then found something in the house which could cause me to feel anger/resentment. Just want to get stuck into the day now really and keep busy with right action. Got some socialising with friends lined up and a 12 step meeting so those 2 things should both help me get out of my own head. |
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| Author: | Just Jeff [ Thu Dec 29, 2016 9:32 am ] |
| Blog Subject: | Thursday 29 December |
Thursday 29 December 19 days sober RR 99% God, Grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change, The courage to change the things I can. And the wisdom to know the difference. Amen. It's been a long 19 days sober, and I mean that in a good way, because it feels like a "Longer" time than that I think because of how I've grown spiritually over the last 19 days. With that said, this morning I feel like my resolve to stay sober is down a small fraction. We're only talking down to 99% kind of thing here but yeah, for the last 19 days I have been in complete withdrawal. Which means I haven't engaged in any sexual activity at all. When I look back over my life, which includes watching pornography as a teenager as the internet was becoming more mainstream then, I can expect to have some discomfort during this withdrawal period due to the deep-set thought patterns that have been built up over 15-20 years. Still, as I said before any kind of dip in resolve rating I need to be acutely aware of and get it back to 100% asap by going to meetings, doing outreach calls, working the steps and doing some nice enjoyable things, treating myself, doing something nice for someone else etc. |
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| Author: | Just Jeff [ Wed Dec 28, 2016 9:00 am ] |
| Blog Subject: | Wed 28 December (ongoing recovery - sex and love addiction |
Wednesday 28 December 18 days sober RR 100% (lowish mood though) God, Grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change, The courage to change the things I can. And the wisdom to know the difference. Amen ........... Lord, make me an instrument of thy peace! That where there is hatred, I may bring love. That where there is wrong, I may bring the spirit of forgiveness. That where there is discord, I may bring harmony. That where there is error, I may bring truth. That where there is doubt, I may bring faith. That where there is despair, I may bring hope. That where there are shadows, I may bring light. That where there is sadness, I may bring joy. Lord grant that I may seek to comfort, rather than to be comforted. Seek to understand, rather than to be understood. Seek to love, rather than to be loved. For it is by self-forgetting that one finds. It is by forgiving that one is forgiven. It is by dying that one awakens to Eternal Life. ....... Well there was a really tough couple of hours yesterday where I'm not sure if my resolve rating was down but I could feel my ego trying to question the 12 step program a bit. I think my mood has been a bit low over the Xmas period - where I live there have been family staying and it's made home life a bit more intense I guess. So yeah, I'd still say my resolve to stay sober is at 100% but I can feel some low mood and negative thoughts creeping in so I need to take positive action against that. Plan for today is to get stuck in to my to to list (getting the most essential things done) and make a 12 step meeting primarily. Then beyond that do some outreach calls as the next priority. Then do some stepwork. And I think also try to do something nice or treat myself to try to get my mood up a bit. I also had a fairly high anxiety OCD fixation crop up last night and I'm really hopeful my 12 step program can help with OCD as well. |
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| Author: | Just Jeff [ Tue Dec 27, 2016 9:11 am ] |
| Blog Subject: | Tuesday 27 December |
Tuesday 27 December 17 days sober RR 100% God, Grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change, The courage to change the things I can. And the wisdom to know the difference. Amen. Well, travelled to a 12 step meeting yesterday but it turned out it wasn't on. However I did do a lot of stepwork study and did some outreach calls yesterday. Planning to go to 2 meetings today so I hope they both actually happen. Haven't been to a meeting since lats Tuesday (not through lack of trying!) so that is a massive priority for today. |
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| Author: | Just Jeff [ Mon Dec 26, 2016 8:56 am ] |
| Blog Subject: | Monday 26 December |
Monday 26 December 16 days sober RR100% God, Grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change, The courgae to change the things I can. And the wisdom to know the difference. Amen. I want to double up on the prayers today and say the prayer of St Francis of Assisi which I think is brilliant: Lord, make me an instrument of thy peace! That where there is hatred, I may bring love. That where there is wrong, I may bring the spirit of forgiveness. That where there is discord, I may bring harmony. That where there is error, I may bring truth. That where there is doubt, I may bring faith. That where there is despair, I may bring hope. That where there are shadows, I may bring light. That where there is sadness, I may bring joy. Lord, grant that I may seek to comfort, rather than to be comforted. Seek to understand, rather than be understood. Seek to love, rather than to be loved. For it is by self-forgetting that one finds. It is by forgiving that one is forgiven. It is by dying that one awakens to Eternal Life. Well, yesterday was Christmas Day. I actually felt in a low mood for a lot of the day. I did my best recovery/being social wise but there was no way I could get to a 12 step meeting yesterday. The day before I tried to get to 2 but one I was the only one there and the other one was cancelled. Friday and Thursday had family gatherings so couldn't get to a meeting. Wednesday maybe I should have got to one in the meeting but the sum of all this is that the last 12 step meeting I have been to was on Tuesday and I think that is starting to add up. So today my plan is to get to at least two 12 step meetings, and maybe even 3 (even if I have to travel out of my town of residence to find them). |
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